I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
