my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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