so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
