so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
