nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
