He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
