I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
