I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
