i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
