well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
