He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
