6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The beer is more important than you right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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