I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
