He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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