in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
