best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
