p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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