they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
