Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
