there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry about my life...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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