We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
