So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its not stalking. its research.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
