good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
