if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
