Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
