Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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