I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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