you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
