My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
