The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
