I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she peed on how many people?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
