The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
