just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
