Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He shit in the fireplace
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
