We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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