god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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