your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
