It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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