her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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