So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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