Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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