rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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