i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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