I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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