She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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