after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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