Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
