Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
