he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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