I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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