yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
