Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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