youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
