I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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