yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
