why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
