Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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