He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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