How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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