Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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