Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
