I faked an abortion last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
