If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
