so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
