I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
