I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
