I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
