I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
