I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize