Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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