Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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