remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
