He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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