I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
